WHO GETS TO MAKE ME FEEL? PART III

In our last post, we were talking about whether we should just accept the societal and cultural LISTs regarding what is good or bad for us.  The challenge of accepting LISTs created by others is that we have disempowered ourselves and our ability to choose how to feel. 

This series of posts is an attempt to bring our awareness to the fact that we each have LISTs, to understand where they came from, to figure out what is even on our LISTs, and to determine how we can change them.

We’ve established the idea that we all have LISTs containing what we’ve determined is good or bad for us and others.  We have shown that some things we think are bad, others may think are good.  We’ve talked about some things that generally everyone thinks are bad and discussed the possibility that over time, profound good may emerge from those same ‘bad’ things.

Before exploring further about LISTs, I’d like to discuss a very critical point regarding our language and how we use it to deny any responsibility in our reactions to events which we have placed on our LISTs.

I became aware of this dynamic when I began to realize I needed to take responsibility for my emotional reactions to events which occurred in my life.  Eventually, I realized I also needed to take responsibility for what gets put on my LISTs as well as take responsibility for the emotions I allow those LISTed items to evoke within me.  But first, I had to come to grips with a ubiquitous phrase we all use and may not even think about.

How often have you heard, “He/She made me feel bad.”?  Or perhaps, “That made me feel bad.”? 

The phrase, ‘made me feel bad’, in my opinion, is one of the most AMAZING statements of power transfer that we use almost daily.  According to this statement: 

• People can make us feel bad.
• Events can make us feel bad.
• The past can make us feel bad.
• A potential future outcome can make us feel bad.
• An idea can make us feel bad.
• Anything outside ourselves can make us feel bad.

When we use the words: ‘make me feel bad’, we are admitting that we have no power against whatever or whomever it was that inflicted this emotional pain upon us.  We are announcing to the world that we, as autonomous individuals, have no authority in our own Being or lives to stop something or someone from ‘hurting’ us emotionally.  We are basically divesting ourselves of all personal responsibility for our own emotional experience.

This is craziness when we think about it.  Who would want to do that?  Who wakes up and says, “Today I choose to walk around and let anyone who wants to, take a whack at my emotional body and I’m going to not only take it, but I’m going to then recount to others the details about how I was victimized and made to suffer by whomever or whatever it was that ‘made me feel bad’.”

Honestly, does that make any sense to you?

Once you start to talk it out like this, do you really want to give your ‘ex’ that power?  Do you really want to give a total stranger that power over you?  Do you really want to give that power to events that simply happen?

I can tell you that in my own experience, once I realized I had a choice, I didn’t want to give anyone, any event, or anything the power over me to make me feel ANYTHING! 

I ALWAYS WANT TO BE AT CHOICE!

Now I’m not saying that this is an easy thing to do.  I’ve been working on this for over 25 years and I can tell you that there are still times that I allow words from my wife or actions by my children to evoke a response in me.  But with practice, I have arrived at a place that, for the most part, if there is some response, it’s either by my choice or it doesn’t last long.  I decided to never give anyone or anything the power to make me feel against my personal will and choice.

Like I said, it’s taken me a lot of time and effort, but for the most part, I am my own person and I get to choose what I want to feel most of the time.

Why is this important? 

Do you know that it’s estimated that 90% of all illness is created due to stress? 

And do you know that stress is simply another name for your body’s response to feelings you have not been able to manage?

Do you know that we all have the ability to manage our body’s responses to everything except physical injury, and even then, there are amazing stories of people who have been able to function in spite of horrendous injuries?

So now the question is, “How do we do this?  How do we choose what we feel and stop others from choosing for us?”

Well now, we’re back to our discussion of LISTs.  We’ll talk more about this next time. 

Until then, BE WELL!